We allow our swarming thoughts to become A.N.T.s -- Automatic Negative Thoughts. Instead of neutral thoughts such as, "this red scarf looks nice with my red tennis shoes," our A.N.T.s come up with something like, "I'd better wear this red scarf to distract attention away from my tummy rolls. And it won't hurt to wear my red tennis shoes to draw eyes down and away from my rear end."
As part of my parental responsibilities, whatever my kids download onto their i-pods, I download onto mine too. A few days ago I added a new batch, and one song in particular has been stuck in my head --"According to You" by Orianthi. (You can listen to the song by clicking on "track 1" in the playlist to the right and hitting the play button.)
The opening lyrics go:
According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right.
According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even it if would save my life
According to you . . .
Although the lyrics are about what a boyfriend tells her, it could very well be the negative thoughts that she tells herself. Have you told yourself similar things? I certainly have.
Now see if you've ever heard your spouse or friend say something similar to the lyrics that follow.
But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted.
If you're like me, you tend to discount the positive things people tell you about your looks. Why do we do that?
I have a theory about why I don't believe what others say about me. It has to do with the "all or none" mentality that I often find myself in. If everything about my looks isn't perfect, then the entire effect is ruined or ugly. Perhaps it's even a bit of a perfectionist problem.
I'm no psychologist, but I do know how to get rid of ants of the six-legged sort.
1. Eliminate what's drawing them -- sugary food, usually. As I wrote this heading, it dawned on me that my A.N.T.s are the very worst when I'm not eating healthy foods and have avoided exercising for a while. In other words, when I don't make my actions consistent with what I know to be best for my body, I kick myself with negative thoughts. There's probably some connection between exercising and a positive mental boost too. I'm almost never negative after a good workout.
2. Spray a little Bug-B-Gone -- There's not really a spray that will make negative thoughts go away, but I have a few ideas. In order to get rid of a bad habit, it's important to replace it with a positive one. Whenever a sneaky little A.N.T. creeps into my mind, I can "spray" it by covering it with a positive thought. Here are a few I might try:
- I have a nice nose.
- My sense of humor brings me joy and laughter!
- My complexion is clear and freckled -- it keeps me looking young.
- I have a nice neck. (Good advice: treat the skin on your neck just like the skin on your face.)
- My large hands let me reach an octave plus one note on the piano.
- I am pioneer stock! Built to last.
- I have a lot to be grateful for . . . (think of a few things).
- I'm a pretty good dog trainer. Annie sits, stays, rolls over, plays dead, jumps on demand, and can catch a frisbee, tennis ball, and rope tug from the air.
- I love the color of my hair, and there are very few grays
Take that you A.N.T.s!
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