Borders Inspires Future Book Titles by Yours Truly

I went to my local Borders bookstore last night with my daughter and her friend. They were on assignment from their band teacher, Dr. Wheeler. He requires them to attend a concert every quarter, and he and his bandmates play at Borders every Thursday evening. On the way home I told the girls it would be fun to go every Thursday that Dr. Wheeler performs. They agreed.

I began the night at Borders in a political funk. This is the beginning of a post that I’d been writing before we left:

Jaded. Disillusioned. Disappointed. That’s how I feel after watching the first airing of Charlie Gibson’s interviews with Sarah Palin. I wanted so badly for Palin to be different, to be what she was touted as being – a maverick bent on reforming our out-of-touch government. Instead, I found her to be eerily similar to past politicians.

Instead of being candid and straight-forward, I found her responses to be scripted and spun for maximum political advantage. Instead of being the breath of fresh air I hoped her to be, her responses left me deflated. Flat. She didn’t seem special, but instead seemed to be exactly what I’ve become so sick of – politics as usual.

No political movers and shakers will probably ever read this blog. But real Americans read this blog. And real Americans want change.

We want leaders who lead. They speak from their hearts instead of regurgitating words they think will raise their average in political opinion polls.

We want leaders who don’t build themselves up by tearing their opponents down. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear candidates talk about issues and their vision for government, instead of…

Because of my political frame of mind, I first noticed political book titles such as “How Stupid Are We? Facing the truth about the American voter,” “449 Stupid Things Democrats Have Said,” “449 Stupid Things Republicans Have Said.” These weren’t comforting titles.

But then I wandered into the biography section and saw, “A Girl Named Zippy.” If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s delightful, and remembering how much I enjoyed reading it started to clear my political funk. It completely vanished when I read this title, “The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life.” That sounds like a fun read.

Then I was off on an odyssey of writing down quirky titles: My Lobotomy, The Big Book of Personality Tests for Women, Squawk: How to stop making noise and start getting results. Which spawned the question . . . What are some book titles that I could conceivably write? (I’m very good at writing book titles, but not so good at actually writing books.)

So here they are, in no particular order. Book titles that I could write:

A Cache Valley Childhood

How to Belch the Alphabet in 12 Easy Steps

Too Busy to Cook: Weird Things You Can Eat in a Hurry

You can’t take it with you: A mother’s guide to less clutter and greater peace of mind

Books in the Belly Acre Farm children’s chapter book series:
Chickens in Tights
Cows on Ice
Mice on a Mission
Horses in the House
A Dog in the Driver’s Seat

The Modern Prude’s Guide to Good Reading

276 Stupid Things I’ve Done

The Art of Making Conversation in Line at the Grocery Store

Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion

Political Lessons from the Book of Mormon

Fat and Sassy: A Memoir (but perhaps already used by Roseanne Barr)

Leave it to Leslie: A little red-haired Mormon girl’s 1950s childhood

Oh my Heck! Holy Cow! And Other Things My Mom Wouldn’t Let Me Say

Safety Man and Accident Girl Fall in Love

Bliss on a Bike: Training your dog to be your biking buddy

Linda says that anytime I get serious about writing a book I can just take a three month vacation from keeping my dozen or so journals. She thinks my compulsion to write would then take over, and . . . voila! I’ll have a book written and ready for a publisher.

If only it were that easy.