Just thought I'd post a quickie about what's been happening lately.
I've had a couple incidents of tachycardia (rapid heart rate) lately. It's a really, really awful feeling, a crushing pressure in the chest that leaves me feeling breathless and a bit nauseous too. Once again, I'm having things checked out. So far the more in-depth echocardiogram they did this time looked good. Today I'm having a nuclear stress test done. I'm fairly confident that will be normal too. Which means that I may have a heart electrical problem. If both of the tests (echocardiogram and nuclear stress test) come back normal, the cardiologist says that chances of having a "negative outcome" from future tachycardia events are rare. Meaning, I'd have the green light to resume more intense exercising. (Like hiking, aerobics and doing cardio at the gym.)
Watching my reaction to this chain of events, I've come to the conclusion that I've been planning my life and thinking that planning is the same as controlling. Not so. I'm hoping that this latest health hiccup can help me remember to live in the moment -- really savor all that the present has to offer. Part of my planning/dreaming/scheming habit keeps me from appreciating what I've got. Where I am. Who I'm sharing my life with.
I'm going to stop wishing the present away. How does one wish away the present? By pining over the past, spending too much time reliving the glory days. (The days of wearing a size 8, not having love handles, and having loads of energy). Another way to wish away the present is to engage in "I can't wait until..." kind of thinking. A similarly fruitless phrase is, "I'll be happy when ..." I'm guilty of falling into that mode of thinking as well. Both rob the present of its pleasures. I'm going to work hard to counteract the mental ruts I've fallen into.
Instead of thinking, "I can't wait until all the yard projects are done," I'm going to think, "It's so nice to have a lawn to relax on, to play with the kids and the dog on. And we're so spoiled to have a sprinkling system." I'm not going to put off happiness until I can drop a few more pounds (which doesn't seem to happen anyway) or until there's a little more give in the family budget. I'm going to find ways to enjoy life now. Here are some things that make me happy: (Note to self -- none of them have anything to do with what I weigh)
-- helping others
-- talking with friends and family
-- walking the dog
-- riding my bike with the dog
-- watching movies
-- laughing at myself
-- writing letters and cards
-- being creative
I'm thinking that now might be a good time to recommit to keeping a gratitude journal.