Friday, January 09, 2009

Frustration Central . . .

I've been in tears twice this morning.

I started back to the gym a week ago today. I figured that I could go to my favorite step aerobics class on Mondays and Fridays and hit the strength training one at the same time on Wednesday mornings. My body, however, hasn't agreed to my plan.

It was great seeing all my workout friends, but after each step class I feel terrible. Honestly, this morning I didn't wake up quite as puffy as usual, but during step that changed. My hands got tight. My feet and ankles felt awful. Tight. Stiff. And when I looked at myself in the mirror as I worked out, I could see that my ankles and feet were puffy. Gross!

As the morning progressed it only got worse. After I ran the kids to school this morning, I could tell that even my eyelids were puffy -- and I hadn't even cried yet.

I've taken a dieuretic this morning, but it hasn't really helped. I've got an appointment with the doctor who has been looking at my heart test results (family physician), but I'm not very optimistic. I'm really tired of getting my hopes up that something will help only to have them dashed yet again.

I feel trapped in a body that doesn't fit me. I want to be out there doing. Soaring. Flying. Instead I'm stuck in this body that is slow and sluggish. I've wondered if it's all in my head. Thought that maybe if I just start doing and moving, I can work through it. But that's not happening. Today's step class drove home the point that my body needs TLC. As much as I enjoy flying across the aerobic room in perfect sync with my fellow steppers, it super-stresses my body. Crap!

I'm sure that eventually I'll get back to my optimistic, can-do self, but today I'm venting my frustrations. Thanks for bearing with me.


Crazylady said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I hope things improve really soon.
Big hugs to you.

Suko said...

Hang in there, Christie. I hope you feel better soon.

MizFit said...

I feel trapped in a body that doesn't fit me.
powerfully phrased and a sentence to which we can ALL relate.
vent away, Friend! it's you blog.

Flashlight Girl said...

Is it exercise in general or impact aerobics or just a your body having a total crap out? What about water aerobics? I'm just throwing stuff out here-- you know, my ache to fix things coming out. Maybe crying will help the water retention? :) I sincerely hope your doctor has some good answers for you and not just "let's try this and see." That can be too frustrating. Is counting carbs not working? I'm hoping/praying for you to have some knowledge and inspiration as to what can be helpful for your body and your spirit! HUGS!

Christie said...

Thanks to you all for your encouragement. In answer to Flashlight Girl I can do non-impact exercise. So water aerobics could be an option. Walking usually is fine, but if I go for too long my knees ache. The cold makes it worse. I've successfully done our Nordic Track ski machine before and just hit on a way to get my AM light therapy and exercise at the same time. I'll likely post photos on Monday. And about carbs -- they're not the complete answer to controlling my water retention. But I do know that I feel better when I elliminate sugar and refined carbs, so I'm committing to that for the long haul. Lean protein, fruits and veggies, healthy oils -- that's the plan. Oh, and only eating when I'm hungry.
Thanks again, ladies!