(All I Want for Christmas Is) To Lose Some Weight
All I want for Christmas is to lose some weight, to lose some weight,
Yes, to lose some weight.
Gee, if I could only seem to lose some weight,
I'd truly have a Merry Christmas.
It seems I always have to say, "No thanks, I'll just have vegetables for dinner."
Gosh, oh gee, how happy I'd be if I were only thinner!
All I want for Christmas is to lose some weight, to lose some weight,
Yes, to lose some weight.
Gee, if I could only seem to lose some weight,
I'd truly have a Merry Christmas.
Down in my Wallet (sung to "Up on the Housetop)
Down in my wallet I look and pause -- It is worth it to play Santa Claus?
Up and down the aisles buying lot of toys -- All for the little ones' Christmas joys.
Ho, ho, ho -- Where'd the money go?
Ho, ho, ho -- Where'd the money go?
After the register goes ching, ching, ching -- Down in my wallet I don't see a thing!
Ruby the Red-faced Parent (sung to "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)
Ruby the red-faced parent had a very loud-mouthed son.
And everywhere she took him, he offended everyone.
All of the time she'd tell him, "It's impolite to speak so loud."
But still he kept on saying things heard even above a crowd.
Then one fateful shopping trip, Junior was heard to say:
"Mom, that lady sure looks fat. How do you think she got like that?"
Then how his mother wished that she could somehow disappear.
Under her breath she told him, "You are grounded for a year!"
Down the Hall (sung to "Deck the Halls") -- a tribute to mothers
Down the hall the kids come shrieking. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I think the baby's diaper's leaking. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
My toddler's void of all apparel. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
I guess I'll sing this Christmas carol. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
8 comments:
Did you really write--rewrite-these?
You may have a future as a lyricist.
Fa la la la la la la la la
You're up late! But then, 'tis the season, I guess...
YOU ARE HILARIOUS.
seriously.
These are so DAMN funny - I love them. I can hardly type due to the giggles from these!! Thanks for the new jingles that will be filling my head!!
Thanks I needed the laugh
I love re-writing lyrics! I came up with these for Christmas 1998 when I was writing my weekly self-syndicated parenting column, "From the Trenches." Please don't think that my teenage son made the rude "fat" comment recently. That was when he was three. (Note: He also spotted a bearded lady in the grocery at the same age. Everyone in the checkout lines heard him say, "Look! That lady has a beard. Now it is my turn to enjoy embarrassing him. As I'm a fossil, it's not hard. :)
Great songs. What's up with the Holter Monitor results? I thought everything was okay! I hope you had a good Christmas.
Hi Christie!! Your carols crack me up. I agree with Suko - you've got some hidden talents there, girl! And thanks for the kind comment on my blog (I LOVE MIZFIT!). But the picture? NOT ME:) It's just supposed to be funny. You'll get used to the weird pictures on my blog if you stick around. Which, of course, I hope you do! Glad we found each other!
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