I Will Miss You, Dad!

 

The other day I saw a mug that said:

“Dad, thanks for teaching me how to be a man . . . even though I’m your daughter.”

That pretty much sums up being raised by Dad.

When it came to us kids, Dad’s goal was, as he put it, “to raise FULLY FUNCTIONING INDIVIDUALS.” This meant:

• We were raised to NOT BE AFRAID – of anything, but especially bugs. As small girls, Sherri and I held the crickets that would eventually be fed to the black widow in a mason jar kept on top of the fridge. A favorite family activity was watching a huge Cat Face spider catch and wrap up moths attracted to its web by our front porch light.

• It meant . . . learning how to correctly throw a punch and a baseball.

• No one was allowed to  be a picky eater. When we were dating, Dad even told Eric, “You haven’t tried Leslie’s gravy,” and then made him take a bite.

• As an Austin, we all became a good shot – be it BB gun, shotgun or rifle.

• A fully functioning individual could not be delicate. At our house, delicate was a bad word. Unsavory things could be discussed at the dinner table, and we were not allowed to be grossed out. Dad pulled our teeth . . loose or otherwise if the orthodontist said they needed to come out and assured us that they didn’t have roots. Yeah, right. Dad was known to say, “I would have made a good dentist,” or “I would have made a good doctor,” depending on what needed attention.

• We were often encouraged to, “Gird up your dad-burn loins!”

• We were raised to WORK HARD and PLAY HARD. If feeling low, Dad’s remedy was to get out and DO something – usually work.

• Ours was a home where we regularly heard and said, “I love you.”

I would like to share a few of Dad's lesser known talents:

• Dad could wiggle his ears.

• He made a good show of “blowing up” his bicep.

• He was excellent at pulling funny faces.

• But perhaps his greatest talent was throwing himself fully into the things he LOVED and teaching us to love them too.

Dad loved:

• Concrete

• Dogs

• Black licorice

• Golfing

• Guns

• Excel spreadsheets

• Hunting

• Designing and building things

• Being in the mountains

• A good map

• Attention to detail

• Gardening

• A good container – especially boxes

• And the Gospel of Jesus Christ

I’d like to end with my own re-make of the Sound of Music classic, “Favorite Things.” (Don’t worry, I won’t be singing.)

A Few of Dad’s Favorite Things

Neoprene waders and brand new goose decoys,

Hiking and hunting with Chip and his two boys,

Horse rides in the mountains when it’s newly spring – 

These were a few of Dad’s favorite things.

Fresh homemade cookies and hot apple pie,

Camping with his kids in early July,

Double barrel shotguns and birds on the wing – 

These were a few of Dad’s favorite things.

When the blues strike, when we miss him,

When we’re feeling sad – 

We’ll simply enjoy some of his favorite things,

And then we won’t feel so bad.

We will miss you, Dad.

Perspective on Corona Virus Craziness - Is it possible to find joy?

Hehehe. I’m a little chagrined to admit that the woman who would like to write a book about Laughter and Lemons has not been laughing much in the past week. COVID-19 social distancing precautions have this extrovert feeling more than a little glum.

I was looking over the cards where I’ve written goals for the year in five separate categories, and the top goal on my Spiritual goals card struck me as really being a challenge during these strange pandemic times. It says, “Radiate joy at home, at work, at play – be a SUNBEAM!”

Let me tell you, I have not been radiating joy. Last night when Hubby was scrolling through channels trying to find something to watch unrelated to the corona virus, his options were slim. And why is that? Because sports, in all their forms, have basically been cancelled. Hah! Which made me laugh out loud. You see, in normal times I put up with Hubby’s sports watching but feel just a wee bit resentful. And now that he’d really like something distracting to watch, there’s not even sports. Double hah!

And, yes, I was sitting there beside him on the couch when I started to laugh. And, yes, I told him exactly why I was laughing at him. Clearly I have a long way to go before being able to credibly advise others on how to find happiness amidst the struggles of life.

Or maybe it just means that I’m 100% human and can offer a sincere and heart-felt perspective on just how hard it is to be cheery when times are tough. I’m going with that second option.

Here’s today’s plan – set my next round of 10-day goals around the single yearly goal of being a sunbeam that I listed above. The question is, what are the things I do daily that enable me to feel joy?

I’m in the process of brainstorming. Will you brainstorm too? I’d be VERY interested to know what you do that sparks joy. (And, yes, Marie Kondo’s tidying techniques definitely give me a boost.)

Reinventing Myself . . .

Note: I wrote this over 8 years ago. It was a draft that I just published because I want to remember the idea of fictionalizing my life. I don't know if I'll ever actually do what I talk about in this post, but it still intrigues me.



I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m not sure if I woke up because my stomach hurt or because I had a business idea in my dream and needed to think about it in the non-sleep world.

Either way, I was awake at 1:40 A.M. and finally got out of bed at 2:30 A.M. My head didn’t hit the pillow again until 6:30 A.M., but don’t cry for me Ike and Tina. After all, I’m not a sleep-deprived mother of a new baby. (Although sometimes I think a baby sounds nice. Physically impossible, but nice.)

So back to this business idea I had during my dream . . . (anyone is welcome to it)

In my dream I was visiting a girlfriend out-of-state who owned an interior décor store. It was filled with everything I love – antiques, country paraphernalia, old, used and distressed utilitarian items, handiwork from by-gone eras -- beautiful stuff! She had a friend, Anna Jones, who was also visiting from out of town. We were talking about our love of the beautiful items we were surrounded by.

Anna mentioned that she was from Indiana, and that’s when my brain went into overdrive.

“You live in Indiana, and your last name is Jones?” I asked. “You should open a shop and call it ‘Indiana Jones’ with the advertising hook , ‘Always a shopping adventure.’”

In my dream last night it sounded like a great idea. Now it’s the light of day, I realize it’s not stellar. Even in the wee hours of the morning I knew that pursuing that idea wasn’t for me. Instead, I became fascinated with the name of Anna Jones. That’s what really kept me up.

In the end, I created a new writing persona – Anna Jones. Fictionally speaking, she’s me.

If my dreams were to come true, I’d write as Anna Jones for on-line magazines like parents.com and readers would click over to my blog and become loyal followers. Soon I’d have a reading base that would make it possible for me to approach a publisher/newspaper syndicate/agent and start a real writing career.

I’m thinking this new little writing persona might be a good thing on many levels. For starters, it may prevent me from having dreams that I’m pregnant. (Where do those come from when you’re youngest is nine?) I can live as Anna Jones who will be discovering she’s pregnant with Naomi in April.

I will be writing fiction -- finally! And with fiction the rule is, "Write what you know." Check.

I can relive those funny/exasperating/touching moments from my children’s childhood. Jeremiah (Bug) is four, Abigail (Lou) turns two in April, and Naomi (Beans) will be born in early December. As I write about the Jones children, my own kids might enjoy looking back on their younger years too.

Plus, I’ll have an outlet for all those “From the Trenches” columns I wrote when my kids were younger. In fact, I’ll pretty much be altering them to reflect Anna’s life. And I’ll make them better. Hipper. More fun. Real must-read stuff! Who knows, maybe the Chicken Soup publishers will run a few of my new-and-improved pieces in upcoming books.

One thing is for sure – I’ll be staying busy!

My Journey with Depression: Part I

Wednesday is a good day to write about depression. Fifteen years ago I never would have imagined that I’d have anything personal to write about depression. I had formed my views on it from television, movies, and novels, and I guess that’s why it took me over three years to even figure out what it was that I was suffering from.

In my early 20s I associated depression with crying, staying in bed all day, suicidal thoughts, grief and having a negative outlook. I’d been taught that anyone could overcome mental illnesses by pulling themselves up by the boot straps and by making up their mind to conquer it. All my life I’d been told that effort yields results.

Then I had children. And while having children didn’t cause my depression, the onset of the illness coincided so closely with childbearing that sometimes I wondered if being a mother made me miserable. I no longer felt like the woman my husband had married. She became buried in a sea of fatigue, irritability and frustration.

I went to doctors with my complaints and symptoms. They seemed to think that once my children were sleeping better, I would too. They suggested exercise. I upped what I’d already been doing. I kept a gratitude journal which was a wonderful experience, but still didn’t solve my depression. One doctor finally diagnosed an under-active thyroid. And while taking synthroid helped, something still wasn’t right.

I felt stressed out all the time. Little things became monumental. I read articles and books and tried everything they suggested as a means to reduce my stress. Relief came in an unexpected way.

I had gone in for a follow-up appointment with my family practice doctor regarding some dizziness I’d been experiencing. Towards the end of the exam, he asked, "So how do you think you’re doing?"

"Fine," I said.

"And how are you doing up here?" he asked and pointed to his head.

I thought a moment and began to tear up. "Probably not fine."

"Look," he said, "I know you haven’t been feeling great, and everything we’ve tested for comes out normal. I’d like to have you try some anti-depressants and see if they help at all." Noticing my hesitancy, he continued, "They have few side effects. Try them for a month and see if you notice a difference. If not, we’ll take you off them."

I left his office with a month’s worth of samples and began taking them that very day. When I told my husband that I was taking anti-depressants, he was a little puzzled. Like me, he didn’t think that my problems were related to depression. We were both wrong.

The doctor said that I would probably notice a difference in as soon as two weeks, and I did. I no longer felt overwhelmed. I was sleeping all through the night. I didn’t wake up with puffy feet, hardly able to hobble to the bathroom. And I felt happy.

I asked my husband if he’d noticed a difference. "Yeah," he said, "you’re just a lot nicer."

Only hindsight made it possible for me to see that I had been suffering from depression for almost four years. Once I was feeling better I wanted to know more about my illness. That was over six years ago, and my life has been a constant learning experience ever since.

Depression Journey #2 -- Medication Soapbox

In today’s log of my journey with depression, I’d like to say a little something from my soapbox about medication for depression. I have two words for those with on-going depression symptoms wondering whether or not to take prescription medication. Take it!

Most health professionals recommend staying on anti-depressants for at least one year. For 75% of treated patients, going off the medication after a year seems to keep depression at bay. But 25% of those who tried medication for a year and then went off it will need to take medication again. And statistics show that if you’re in that group of 25% like I am, you’ll probably need to stay on anti-depressants for the rest of your life.

I’m constantly surprised by the comments I hear from people with depression. One woman explained that she took medication for high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes but that she just didn’t want to take another medication. Instead, she tried to manage her symptoms with exercise and St. John’s Wort. Her efforts weren’t always effective.

Another friend I have hit the year mark for taking his anti-depressants and then went off of them. He acknowledges that while he was on them he was more patient with his family, and now has trouble controlling his frustration and irritability. He’s looking to other health issues as the root cause of his symptoms and is not open to trying anti-depressants again.

And finally, another woman I know seems to feel that she can conquer depression on her own. A therapist said things about her family members that offended her, so she quit going. Didn’t look for a new therapist, just quit going. And she took herself off anti-depressants too. I’ve watched her withdraw from social interactions and activities that she used to enjoy.

It took me four years of suffering with depression before I tried medication. My hesitancy was partly due to not recognizing my symptoms as depression, and partly because of my upbringing. I was taught to only take medication when absolutely necessary. For instance, if we had a headache we were advised to lay down and rest, even nap. If the headache still persisted, then we’d take medicine. Also, my family was raised to be up and doing. I never had PMS before I was married -- I wasn’t allowed to. Bad moods and off days were something to get over. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and move on. No wallowing, no how!

Once I began taking anti-depressants, I could see that I hadn’t been the only one suffering from depression. My family had suffered too. Because two of my main symptoms were irritability and frustration, my six-year-old son’s self-esteem was in the gutter. I remember him saying, "I’m stupid. I can’t do anything right. I wish I were dirt."

Because my depression left me wiped out, I’m afraid my interactions with him were often tense and nit-picky. Thank goodness I got help. I’m happy to report that grace applies to parenting. When we’re doing all we can do, the Lord makes up the rest. My son is now a happy and healthy 13-year-old. He occasionally has age-related angst, but usually has plenty of self-confidence and some to spare.

I stayed on my first round of anti-depressants for a year and a half. (My doctor felt that given our long, dark winters it would be best to go off the medication in the spring.) After four months unmedicated, it became obvious that depression had returned. I had enjoyed eliminating one prescription from my list and would have been delighted to keep it that way, but my particular brand of depression requires more than therapy, exercise and a good tug on the bootstraps.

I’ve found it helpful to compare depression with diabetes. For diabetics, lifestyle modifications can help regulate blood sugar, but even with lifestyle modifications some patients require medication and often insulin. We would never dream of advising a diabetic under the care of a physician to ditch their insulin. "Just gut it out and think yourself well," is advice that won’t miraculously make the pancreas function properly. Same goes for depression. While lifestyle modifications and counseling are helpful for depression, for some it comes down to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Because of this, taking anti-depressants should not be viewed any differently than taking insulin.

There will always be a few people who will believe that someone suffering from depression brought it upon themselves. But the fewer who believe that, the better!

Start Keeping a Compliment Container



Let's be honest. Everyone can use a pick-me-up now and then. One of the best ways I've found to get a mental boost when I'm feeling low is to re-read the cards in my compliment container.

What is a compliment container? Simply a place where you write down the nice things people say about you to read again when you need them most. I've chosen to keep mine in a button-covered old mint container, but almost any receptacle will do.

Remember, compliments are elusive. Be sure to jot yours down before they slip from your memory bank. The Notes app on most smart phones is a great place to quickly catch a compliment in print. In fact, if you're uber techie, you may want to just create a Notes category called "compliments" and keep them on your phone.

Me, I'm a tactile person. Making the custom-cut papers was part of the fun of keeping a compliment container for me!

Student Recommended BOOKS FOR GIRLS

2014 / 2015

Favorite Books of Mrs. Hansen’s students

GIRLS’ TOP 10 (in order of popularity)

1. The Hunger Games (series), by Suzanne Collins
2. Divergent (series), by Veronica Roth
3. Fablehaven (series), by Brandon Mull
4. The Fault in Our Stars, by John Greene
5. The Heroes of Olympus series, by Rick Riordan
6. Harry Potter series, by J. K. Rowling
7. House of the Scorpion/Lord of Opium, by Nancy Farmer
8. Matched Trilogy, by Ally Condie
9. Wonder, by R. J. Palacio
10. Uglies (series), by Scott Westerfield

All Others (in alphabetical order)

39 Clues (series), by various authors

The 5^thWave (series), by Rick Yancey

The Ascendance Trilogy (False Prince), by Jennifer A. Neilsen

Because of Winn Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo

Beyonders (series), by Brandon Mull

Big Nate (series), by Lincoln Pierce

The Candy Shop War, by Brandon Mull

Charlie Bone(series), by Jenny Nimmo

Chasing Vermeer, by Blue Balliett

Close to Famous, by Joan Bauer

Crazy, by Han Nolan

The Crossover, by Kwame Alexander

Diary of a Wimpy Kid(series), by Jeff Kinney

The Dork Diaries(series), by Rachel Renee Russell

Double Fudge, by Judy Blume

Ever After High(series), by Shannon Hale

Feathers, by Jacqueline Woodson

Fifteenth Summer, by Michelle Dalton

The Giver, by Lois Lowry

Goddess Girls series, by Joan Holub

The Goose Girl(series), by Shannon Hale

± The Guardian, by  Nicholas Sparks

Hope Was Here, by Joan Bauer

If I Stay(series), by Gayle Forman

The Infernal Devices series, by Cassandra Clare

The Invention of Hugo Cabret, by Brian Selznick

Jabberwocky, by Daniel Coleman

Janitors (series), by Tyler Whitesides

The Wishing Spell(series), by Chris Colfer

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, by Julie Edwards Andrews

Leven Thumps(series), by Obert Skye

Mare in the Meadow, by Ben M. Baglio

The Maze Runner(series), by James Dashner

Michael Vey(series), by Richard Paul Evans

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo

The Missing series (Found), by Margaret Peterson Haddix

The Mortal Instruments(series), by Cassandra Clare

My Fair Godmother(series), by Janette Rallison

Reawakened (Once Upon a Time series), by Odette Beane

Out of My Mind, by Sharon M Draper

Out of the Dust, by Karen Hesse

Pay it Forward(young readers edition), by Catherine Ryan Hyde

Peter and the Starcatchers (series), by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Poison Study(series), by Maria V. Snyder

The Princess Academy(series), by Shannon Hale

Rangers Apprentice series, by John Flanagan

The Remaining(series), by D. J. Molles

Savvy, by Ingrid Law

Seeing Cinderella, by Jenny Lundquist

The Selection (series), by Kiera Cass

Shadow of the Dragon series, by Tielle St. Clare

Silence (series), by Natasha Preston

Stay (series), by Emily Goodwin

Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites (series), by Chris

Heimerdinger

To Kill a Mockingbird,by Harper Lee

True … Sort of, by Katherine Hannigan

‡ Twilight (series), by Stephenie Meyer

± Unbroken, by Laura Hilenbrand

Warriors series, by Erin Hunter

The Wednesday Wars, by Gary D. Schmidt

Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls

The Wide Awake Princess (series), by E. D. Baker

The Witch of Blackbird Pond, by Elizabeth George Speare

Where the Sidewalk Ends, by Shel Silverstein

Wonderstruck, by Brian Selznick

Student Recommended BOOKS FOR BOYS

2014 / 2015

Favorite Books of Mrs. Hansen’s students

BOYS’ TOP 10  (in order of popularity)

1. Michael Vey (series), by Richard Paul Evans
2. Fablehaven (series), by Brandon Mull
3. House of the Scorpion/Lord of Opium, by Nancy Farmer
4. Harry Potter series, by J. K. Rowling
5. The Heroes of Olympus series, by Rick Riordan
6. The Hunger Games (series), by Suzanne Collins
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (series), by Jeff Kinney
8. Divergent (series), by Veronica Roth
9. The Maze Runner (series), by James Dashner
10. Alex Rider series, by Anthony Horowitz

All Others (in alphabetical order)

39 Clues (series), by various authors

Adventurers Wanted series, by M. L. Forman

Artemis Fowl(series), by Eoin Colfer

The Ascendance Trilogy (False Prince), by Jennifer A. Neilsen

Beyonders(series), by Brandon Mull

Big Nate (series), by Lincoln Pierce

The Book of Mormon

Bud, Not Buddy, by Christopher Paul Curtis

The Candy Shop War, by Brandon Mull

Charlie Bone(series), by Jenny Nimmo

Cirque Du Freak series, by Darren Shan

Conspiracy 365 series, by Gabrielle Lord

The Crossover, by Kwame Alexander

Dead End in Norvelt, by Jack Gantos

Ender’s Game(series), by Orson Scott Card

Eragon (series), by Christopher Paolini

Gregor the Overlander(series), by Suzanne Collins

Hatchett (series), by Gary Paulsen

The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien

Holes, by Louis Sachar

I Funny (series), by James Patterson

I Survived series, by Lauren Tarshis

I Am Number Four(series), by James Dashner

Janitors (series), by Tyler Whitesides

± Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton

The Kane Chronicles series, by Rick Riordan

Legend (series), by Marie Lu

Leven Thumps(series), by Obert Skye

The Lord of the Rings(series), by J. R. R. Tolkien

Loser, by Jerry Spinelli

The Lost Hero(series), by Rick Riordan

Maximum Ride(series), by James Patterson

Middle School – Get Me Out of Here! by James Patterson

Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children series, by Ranson Riggs

Mistborn series, by Brandon Sanderson

The Ephraim Chronicles , by Lee Nelson

Pendragon series, by D. J. MacHale

Rangers Apprentice series, by John Flanagan

Rascal, by Sterling North

Redwall (series), by Brian Jacques

The Secret Zoo(series), by Bryan Chick

The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series, by Michael Scott

Septimus Heap series, by Angie Sage

Series of Unfortunate Events, by Lemony Snickett

The Spiderwick Chronicles series, by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi

The Spook’s Apprentice(series), by Joseph Delaney

Steelheart, by Brandon Sanderson

The Storm Testament(series), by Lee Nelson

Summer Ball (and others), by Mike Lucia

Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites (series), by Chris

Heimerdinger

Theodor Boone series, by John Grisham

The Three Investigators series, by Willlam Arden

Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stephenson

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, by Jules Verne

± Unbroken, by Laura Hilenbrand

Ungifted, by Gordon Korman

Unwanteds(series), by Lisa McMann

Vietnam series by Chris Lynch

The Way of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson

Wonder, by R. J. Palacio

Wool (series), by Hugh Howey

The Wednesday Wars, by Gary D. Schmidt

± Represents a book written for adults

I am a Polar Bear

 

I am a Polar Bear. This epiphany came to me shortly after a Relief Society workshop I attended in Layton, Utah almost 20 years ago. A woman who was a registered dietitian and worked with professional sports players was talking to our stake about nutrition and body image.

 

She began her presentation in a novel way. On the projector she displayed beautiful photos of animals – they were National Geographic quality pictures. She encouraged us to think about them as creations of our Heavenly Father and to note the variety and individuality of each different species. As a lover of the outdoors and a watcher of PBS nature specials, she had me hooked.

 

Perhaps you’ve already guessed where she was going with her presentation. I, however, was simply caught up in the beauty of all those amazing animals. She concluded her slide show with a giraffe and asked the women in attendance to switch gears. She said something along the lines of, “This is a giraffe. We’ve been enjoying looking at various animals created by our Heavenly Father. We would never expect any one of those creatures to try to look like a giraffe, but that’s exactly what we do as people. Instead of enjoying the variety and individuality of the human race, we’ve fallen into the trap of thinking that somehow we should all look alike. That somehow, as women, we can all fit the physique of the giraffe.”

 

In that moment I saw the absurdness of the ruse I’d fallen under. There was no way I was ever going to be a giraffe! After only a moment of thought, I knew exactly what animal was a fit for me metaphorically – the polar bear.

 

First of all, I’m pale. Really pale. Back when I was engaged to be married I was adjusting my pant leg and my soon-to-be sister-in-law noticed how white my leg was. “Is that your leg?” she asked. “Or are you wearing white nylons?” A little embarrassed, I assured her that it was definitely my leg. The polar bears and I have paleness in common.

 

Next on my list of similarities to the polar bear is my size. Of course I’m not really the size of an adult polar bear (300 to 500 lbs. for a female), but polar bears are the largest species of bear. And I am a rather large person.

 

I also learned that polar bears have very large paws. Which fits my M.O. as well. They use theirs for swimming. I use mine for anything but swimming. (Alas, designers have not come up with a swimming suit that is flattering for this polar bear.)

 

Finally, I definitely have an over-developed mother bear instinct. You do not want to see me react if I feel that one of my bears (children, students, friends, family members) is being threatened. It is ferocious!

 

So there you have it. I am a polar bear, metaphorically speaking. And to tell you the truth, I’m just fine with being a polar bear.

Accident Girl and Safety Man do the Ice Bucket Challenge

Jeanine David issued the challenge, and I responded. . . as Accident Girl, my alter-ego. Fortunately, my husband's boss had also challenged him so that we were able to do it together. I do think that wearing his helmet as Safety Man protected him from a lot of the water. I was not so lucky, and boy was it cold!

The ice bucket challenge was a great excuse to blacken my eye and create a cut on my forehead. Sorry to say, but we are fully stocked on crutches, ace bandages, wrist braces and steri-strips.

It's no mystery why Eric is called Safety Man. It's his job at the USU Research Foundation and his personality as well. He wears his seat belt, drives the speed limit, and always wears his bike helmet.

What you may not know is why I'm called Accident Girl. It probably started in 9th grade when I tore my ACL in a skiing wreck. It doesn't help that I've also rolled our 4-wheeler over myself at the sand dunes a few years ago. I've tripped on a lifted sidewalk and managed to complete a perfect barrel roll on newly installed mulch. And last November I crashed my bike while on a ride with my dog. Let's not even talk about fender benders in reverse!